It's always gonna be Stefan
by SE-TVD
Summary: Set during 5x02, Damon telling Elena to focus on Stefan in order to break the mind control. Damon's perspective on the whole scene. How I would have liked it to go


Hey guys! I decided to write a one-shot in Damon's perspective about having to tell Elena to think about Stefan in order to resist Silas' mind control. I thought it would be interesting to know what he was thinking or experiencing! So don't hate me just yet! Also, I am now on twitter! So follow me and find out when I'm writing, when I'll be updating and pointless rants from me! ** diariesstelena**

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"All I can think about is killing you, Damon!" Elena screeched at me as she ran her hands through her hair trying to distract herself.

"You're gonna have to think about something stronger Elena. Remember the trigger" I tell her in a strained voice, as my mind is going crazy trying to think about something to distract her with.

What could Elena possibly feel, that is stronger than her rage right now? What could she want bad enough to make this all stop? Come on Damon, you're her boyfriend now. You need to be able to handle this. What would Stefan do? _Stefan. _

She has to think about Stefan no matter how much it kills me to say. I know her love for Stefan will never die and I know it's what drives her. No matter how many times our lips collide in a fiery passion, no matter how many times she tells me she loves me, Stefan will always be invading her brain, her thoughts, and her heart. It's what she knows, and it what she understands. Her love for Stefan. It's stronger than anything she feels for me. I spent 2 years fighting Stefan, fighting their love, trying everything to get the girl, but it never worked. Stefan was always the one. It tears me up from the inside and out to know that I will never compare to Stefan, to know that Elena will always be in love with Stefan, and to know that I was the second choice.

"Stefan" I said in a quiet voice, almost ashamed of telling my girlfriend to think about her ex-boyfriend. I wish I didn't have to do this, I know where this is going to lead to. But I have to.

Elena ignored the words coming out of my mouth and repeatedly attempted to strike a match, failing at each try.

"Stefan" I said in a louder voice hoping his name would bring her out of her murderous rampage.

"Think about Stefan. Describe the pit in your stomach. Tell me how it feels" I say, almost bitterly spitting it out.

I shouldn't have to do this. Elena shouldn't have to be thinking about Stefan. Her love for me alone should be strong enough to break Silas' mind control. Why isn't it strong enough? Why can't she love me enough?

"We have to find him" Elena tells me in the midst of tears. It breaks me apart to know how much pain she is in. How much finding Stefan means to her. I wonder if she would feel the same way if it was me who went missing, and not Stefan. I know it's selfish of me to say, but all I ever wanted was Elena to love me. And now that she does, it comes with this bullshit, pathetic feeling that she harbors. This unfathomable connection she has with Stefan. I'll never beat that. I don't stand a chance.

Elena is spitting all her thoughts and feeling out at me, and all I can think about it how she managed to rid herself of this compulsion. Of how Stefan managed to resist compulsion that night for Elena. Yet when I was compelled, I couldn't do it. Every single fiber of my being told me to kill Jeremy that night, yet I couldn't stop. Not when Elena asked me to, and not even when she told me that she loved me. It wasn't enough for me. I wasn't enough for her. I can't even resist compulsion for the girl that I love.

Yet the mere thought and the mere mentioning of Stefan was enough for Elena to fight. I hate to say it, but what Stefan and Elena have, it's more than love. It's something me and her couldn't even come close to achieving. We could love each other for the rest of eternity, yet she would still belong to Stefan, her heart would still beat for Stefan, not me.

Elena stopped and calmed herself as she sat in the chair before me. She was breathing heavily, her body still wracking with her dry sobs.

"That did the trick, huh?" I teased, trying to lighten up the mood. I didn't need Elena lingering on thoughts of Stefan. I'll admit it, I'm selfish. I'm sure I'm not the first to think this, but I am. I want Elena all to myself, yet even when I finally get the girl, I'm haunted by Stefan and I live in the shadow of their relationship.

"Seems like it" Elena said quietly. It looks like her mind is still on a constant loop about Stefan.

"Hey, you can stop now. We'll find him" I say to her, trying to get her to stop her heavy breathing.

"We shouldn't have to find him, Damon. We should have known he was missing. I knew something was wrong and you wouldn't even listen to me. You don't care about him Damon, you never did. Stefan is somewhere being tortured and you can't even listen to me long enough for me to explain" Elena said in a painful voice.

"Sue me for being happy with you, Elena" I bit back at her. If she was gonna be a bitch about this, so was I.

"Your happiness at the cost of Stefan, Damon. Does that not register with you?" Elena spat at me as she got up and began pacing the room.

"Our happiness Elena, OUR HAPPINESS." I shot back at her, beginning to feel angry. How could she even think that this was only my happiness? As if she wasn't happy with me.

You know what, she probably isn't. I'm not Stefan. Why would she be happy with me?

"No, YOUR happiness, Damon. I have been feeling things I have never felt before, and I have this gaping pit in my stomach that is preventing me from doing anything remotely close to happiness. Stefan is missing and it's like a piece of me is gone with him, wherever he may be." Elena told me finally.

"There is it" I said tauntingly at Elena. I know this won't end well, so I might as well just go with it at this point.

"There it is, Damon." Elena told me one last time before she stormed off on me, leaving me tied to the chair in the room.

_It's always gonna be Stefan. _

**XXXXXX**

Thank you for reading! I actually enjoyed writing this lol. Review and let me know what you think!


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